So You're a Stay-at Home Mom

"So you just stay home with your kids? that's got to be great!"

"Stay at home mom huh? What do you do all day then?"

"I'd love to stay at home with my kids... all that free time"

There's a flood of articles, blogs, campaigns, and exhausted parents who try to hammer home the idea that staying home with children is the most difficult job out there. Yet, despite all efforts people still have this notion that stay-at-home moms do less demanding work than others who work outside of the home. 

Sure, staying home in your pajamas with little children doesn't seem like a strenuous or stressful job, in theory. Every household is different depending on the temperaments of their children and parents, so in turn every parent will perceive child rearing/full-time parenting differently. But there's one thing that remains constant. There is a unanimous consensus among stay at home parents, and that's making your children your full time job is anything BUT relaxing. 

So I asked myself this question. Why am I so stressed all the time? What exactly about this job I took on as a mother makes it more difficult in my eyes than say, going to work every morning and coming home after a long day's work? After thinking about it a while, I decided to make note of the following day with my kids. I conducted my own little research project and observed my children and my day from the time they woke up to the time they went to sleep. What I discovered shocked and really enlightened me.

*drum roll*

My kids are CRAZY demanding. 

Not shocking actually. All young children are demanding. That's part of being a parent to young ones. They ask for food, play, attention, etc. But I didn't realize how demanding they were until I put it in numbers. I tallied the demands during the span of one day. Between both S and Z, from the time they woke up to the time they slept, they demanded my attention 104 times on Monday. Yes. I kid you not.

I would even go so far as to say that is a conservative number. So someone please tell me, who has a boss that asks you to complete 100 tasks a day? 

Add on the impatient factor, along with simultaneous demands. Often times both S and Z will ask for different things at the same time. I have to quickly prioritize depending on urgency, and almost always I'm also consoling the one that didn't have their needs met immediately, while doing that other task I was asked. 

Not only are my two bosses impatient, but they're emotionally volatile. They also compete for my time and attention. So when S sees me playing with Z, she'll come running to me crying because I'm not playing with her. Then Z will be upset I'm not playing with him. When I try to engage them in play together, S will take Z's toy and a fight erupts. It's a struggle to keep both little people happy when there's only one of me. 

Finally, I'd say the biggest stressing factor in all of it is, they're my kids. I worry about all of it, from the amount of play time they get, to the type of toys or activities they're in; the food they eat (or don't eat); if they're under or over stimulated; if they're under or over protected, you get the picture. Every decision I make regarding them becomes something more than just a simple decision. There are always consequences, whether immediate or delayed. I'm stressed because they're not a project I can save on my desktop at work and worry about tomorrow. Or a report I can hand over to the other team once my job is done. I can't say "Oh look at the time, almost 4! We'll discuss this tomorrow AM, I have to catch that train." 

As any mother will say, they're a part of me that I want to see be better than me. So the next time you look at one of us moms strolling along with our kids during day light hours where most people work, please don't think to yourself, look at her prancing along with her kids while the rest of the world is working for money, looks fun. 

My final thoughts (or rant if you want to call it that) on this issue: Monetary income should not be an indicator of how hard a person works. We live in a society where earning money define's a person's worth. By societal standards, pay-less jobs like mine and volunteer work don't hold much weight. I hope one day there will be a paradigm shift where this money-centric ideology is put aside and people are valued for their dedication to their job, regardless of what it is and how much it pays. Only then will stay at home parents finally put their insecurities to rest and stop trying to justify their choice to full-time parent. (Because let's face it guys, that's exactly what I'm doing right now, aren't I?)//end rant.