We're back!

Hey internet! I started this blog a few months ago when there was a cloud of defiance raining misbehaviours and crazies on our family. Every action was insane, yet mesmerizing to anyone who witnesses it. I had to somehow figure out a way to just laugh/cry it off until it passed, if it ever did. So I sat there laughing and crying and typing the stories. And man did Z ever give me some good material to write about.

Now that cloud has passed. I don't know when it did and I can't pinpoint that exact moment, but my defiant Z monster turned sweet and sappy (for the most part...). I should be happy, right? I am. Ofcourse. But guys, does this mean my blog is dead?

No. You see, there's S. She was in the background for a while, but as she reaches the volatile age of two, she's ripe for some great writing material. For example, the time she dipped a clean toilet paper into the toilet. Then ate it. (barf). I just don't get it. I don't get what compelled her to do that. As I watched and reacted in horror she seemed indifferent. In fact, it seemed like she discovered something delicious. Monster in the making.

Here's what's been happening these past few weeks...

• Our T.V remote has gone missing for a while. Knowing my children, I instantaneously start looking in the most unlikely places. I went for the freezer.  Instead, I found a shoe. 
• I asked S and Z what they wanted for breakfast. S replied with "Onions" and Z, "freezie!". While I did not give into these ridiculous requests, I must admit there was a time not too long ago I sauteed onions for S to eat for breakfast (two days ago). 
• When we were visiting my family, I found Z in a corner in the backyard, laying down on soil with the cat...eating leaves. 
• After coming back from a baby shower, this conversation went down:
• Z: S took a shower
• Me: No...what are you talking about?
• Z: Mommy and S went to baby shower
• Me: Yes...
• Z: S took a shower...a baby shower.
• At this point I'm laughing tears. I calmed down and explained what baby showers were. Talk about taking things literally! 
• Z asked me if I remembered when S was a baby in the hospital and she had a "Stick" coming out of her belly button. I said yes, it was an umbilical cord stump, and yes I remember. Then he goes, "Pretend I'm pink and there's an billy cord in my belly button". Then he laid down and made an awkward infant pose with his mouth half open and squinted eyes. 
• I'm talking to S and Z about what each body part does. 
• Me: What do your eyes do?
• Z: See 
• Me: What does your nose do?
• Z: Smell things
• Me: What does...your hair do? (this was a trick question and I did NOT expect an answer)
• Z: For whipping it. (Thanks to Willow Smith 'I whip my hair', Z has found purpose for hair ) 
• After cutting Z's hair:
• S: I want to cut my hair so I can be handsome
• Me: So you can be pretty?
• S: (angrily) No! Handsome! Like Z
• Me: How about beautiful?
• S: Handsome! *meltdown ensues*
• Conversations with S
• S: What's that smell?
• Me: Smells like someone is cooking
• S: What are you cooking?
• Me: Nothing, maybe the neighbours are cooking
• S: *pause* Neighbour's food smells bad.

There you have it. Thanks for reading! 

They Talk. I Laugh.

Now that the weather is better, I'm setting aside my hermit skills and I'm starting to take S and Z out for walks. This keeps them quiet and bewildered. S has never been outdoors for longer than three minutes for as long as she can remember. So the first time she stepped outside and I let her walk on grass, she was terrified. Z on the other hand is overly ambitious. He wants to go everywhere with everyone everyday. He asked if we could walk to Hamilton. What? 

Anyway, I completely just rambled about something entirely unrelated to what this post was initially about. 

These kids make me laugh, and I hope they'll make you laugh too. Enjoy! 

• Everyone has a different idea of what is considered "the first". I don't consider S singing 'Ice ice Baby' a real first sentence (see below). But this week, S actually said her first real sentence. She said, "Rhino eat patta(pasta).", then she finished it off with, "Ya. Nom Nom Nom" while feeding her toy Rhino a spaghetti string. My heart melted. She constructed her own adorable sentence. All by herself. 

• Z goes "Daddy goes to work, A [uncle] goes to work, Gedo goes to work....only boys go to work". Uh, what? I had to explain to him that what moms do IS work, and a lot of other moms/women work hard outside. I then asked him if S will work when she grows up, and he said yes, she'll be a mechanic. Okay then.   
• S was playing with an animal game on my phone and kept clicking the pig. So Z turns to her and says, "Pigs are haram, they're dirty" I find this hilarious because I didn't tell him this. He must've heard it at school. 
• We had someone over and was using the washroom. 

          Z: Where's J?
          Me: In the washroom
          Z: Is she pooing?
          Me: No, probably not. Let's not ask that question, she'd like her privacy.
          Z: She needs privacy to poo. Is she pooing?

• Z performed at a school spring concert. Before the performance, his teacher's daughter felt sick and vomited. I know this because Z told me. But what I didn't expect him to do the following morning was run up to his teacher and say this: 'Ms. S, your daughter is sick? She's sick! She threw up in the hallway and the green guy cleaned it up". The green guy was the janitor I'm guessing. This story normally wouldn't make it on this list of laughs, but it did because everyone's eyes shot at her daughter, and all the other parents held their children a little tighter. No one wanted her germs. Poor teacher had to defend her daughter "Yes, but she's all better now, Z!" 
• Z was watching a music video with Justin Timberlake. Near the end of the video Z started questioning.

          Z: Why is Justin upset?
          Me:  I don't know. Why do you think he's upset?
          Z: Because he wanted to go under the table.

• After the video was over, one of the suggested videos on the grid was Wrecking ball by Miley Cyrus. Of course Z clicked on it. 

          Z: Miley is crying
          Me: (at this point I was curious to see what he would make of this video. I know. Let's all say it together "BAD PARENT") Why is she crying?
          Z: Because she wanted the ball.
          Me: What will make her happy again?
          Z: To have the ball again.

Note: Z thought Miley Cyrus was a boy at first. Hair length makes gender identification very difficult for Z, especially now with trendy short hairstyles ladies are rocking these days. Sorry to the boys that were mistaken as girls, and to the girls that were called boys. Please accept my apologies on behalf of Z, who is completely oblivious to the fact that he's hurt quite of few feelings on the playground when referencing his fellow playmates' gender.

So You're a Stay-at Home Mom

"So you just stay home with your kids? that's got to be great!"

"Stay at home mom huh? What do you do all day then?"

"I'd love to stay at home with my kids... all that free time"

There's a flood of articles, blogs, campaigns, and exhausted parents who try to hammer home the idea that staying home with children is the most difficult job out there. Yet, despite all efforts people still have this notion that stay-at-home moms do less demanding work than others who work outside of the home. 

Sure, staying home in your pajamas with little children doesn't seem like a strenuous or stressful job, in theory. Every household is different depending on the temperaments of their children and parents, so in turn every parent will perceive child rearing/full-time parenting differently. But there's one thing that remains constant. There is a unanimous consensus among stay at home parents, and that's making your children your full time job is anything BUT relaxing. 

So I asked myself this question. Why am I so stressed all the time? What exactly about this job I took on as a mother makes it more difficult in my eyes than say, going to work every morning and coming home after a long day's work? After thinking about it a while, I decided to make note of the following day with my kids. I conducted my own little research project and observed my children and my day from the time they woke up to the time they went to sleep. What I discovered shocked and really enlightened me.

*drum roll*

My kids are CRAZY demanding. 

Not shocking actually. All young children are demanding. That's part of being a parent to young ones. They ask for food, play, attention, etc. But I didn't realize how demanding they were until I put it in numbers. I tallied the demands during the span of one day. Between both S and Z, from the time they woke up to the time they slept, they demanded my attention 104 times on Monday. Yes. I kid you not.

I would even go so far as to say that is a conservative number. So someone please tell me, who has a boss that asks you to complete 100 tasks a day? 

Add on the impatient factor, along with simultaneous demands. Often times both S and Z will ask for different things at the same time. I have to quickly prioritize depending on urgency, and almost always I'm also consoling the one that didn't have their needs met immediately, while doing that other task I was asked. 

Not only are my two bosses impatient, but they're emotionally volatile. They also compete for my time and attention. So when S sees me playing with Z, she'll come running to me crying because I'm not playing with her. Then Z will be upset I'm not playing with him. When I try to engage them in play together, S will take Z's toy and a fight erupts. It's a struggle to keep both little people happy when there's only one of me. 

Finally, I'd say the biggest stressing factor in all of it is, they're my kids. I worry about all of it, from the amount of play time they get, to the type of toys or activities they're in; the food they eat (or don't eat); if they're under or over stimulated; if they're under or over protected, you get the picture. Every decision I make regarding them becomes something more than just a simple decision. There are always consequences, whether immediate or delayed. I'm stressed because they're not a project I can save on my desktop at work and worry about tomorrow. Or a report I can hand over to the other team once my job is done. I can't say "Oh look at the time, almost 4! We'll discuss this tomorrow AM, I have to catch that train." 

As any mother will say, they're a part of me that I want to see be better than me. So the next time you look at one of us moms strolling along with our kids during day light hours where most people work, please don't think to yourself, look at her prancing along with her kids while the rest of the world is working for money, looks fun. 

My final thoughts (or rant if you want to call it that) on this issue: Monetary income should not be an indicator of how hard a person works. We live in a society where earning money define's a person's worth. By societal standards, pay-less jobs like mine and volunteer work don't hold much weight. I hope one day there will be a paradigm shift where this money-centric ideology is put aside and people are valued for their dedication to their job, regardless of what it is and how much it pays. Only then will stay at home parents finally put their insecurities to rest and stop trying to justify their choice to full-time parent. (Because let's face it guys, that's exactly what I'm doing right now, aren't I?)//end rant. 

They Did What!?

Hello. It's been a while since I blogged. I have a perfectly reasonable explanation though. As a mother, I am afforded one leisure activity a night. That's only if my eyes are not glued shut from fatigue. Lately I've used my allotted time to watch Better Call Saul. Now that's over and done with, here I am again.

So S and Z have recently decided to team up in an effort to extinguish the little sanity I have left. Both are finding too much joy in my efforts to claim it back. They'll laugh and feed off of each other. The terrible twos and the freaking fours.

Cringe worthy or just plain cute, here's what S and Z have been up to lately...

• I heard them both giggling in the other room, which brought a smile to my face. I thought, they're getting along, how nice. But of course reality set in and S started crying. I got up to see why she was upset when I found the entire room splattered with milk. Z was spraying a cup of milk all over the room and she found it funny, which explained the laughter. She didn't find it so funny when he spilled the remainder of it all on her head. The moral of this story: Children laughing together alone in a room isn't necessarily a good thing.

• Z pumped all the soap out of a soap dispenser and said he was making a soap waterfall.

• S's shoes were missing and I flipped the entire place up side down to look for them. I finally gave up and went to the kitchen to start thinking about dinner. Opened the freezer door and ta-da! All of S's shoes were in there. Thanks, Z.

• This:

Z said they were tired and needed a nap. 

• I found S sitting in a dark room on the floor against the wall by herself. I asked her what she's doing and she said "time out" with a grin on her face. To little S, time outs are glorified because her brother and role model Z is always in time out. She doesn't get that it's a discipline method, which makes it completely ineffective. Yet I still use them. Time to rethink discipline. 

• Z is practicing is plumbing skills. So he'll flush something he knows doesn't belong in the toilet, and then he'll try to retrieve it with a snake. He saw it done once, so he assumed everything can now be retrieved.

• S unrolled the roll of toilet paper. She would take a bite of a piece, and the other piece she would throw in the toilet. 

• While visiting a friend's house for a play date, Z lured us downstairs to play. Once downstairs, he quietly went upstairs and was oddly quiet for a good amount of time. My mother's intuition started questioning his whereabouts, but I was too engrossed in an adult conversation with a dear friend, so I brushed it off. Z came downstairs with that look on his face. The look of glee and guilt at the same time. When I asked him what he was doing upstairs, he casually said he was playing with water. So we thought he must've been in the washroom playing in the sink. We went upstairs to investigate the washroom and there was nothing. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. We were at someone else's home after all. The last thing I wanted was for him to ruin someone else's belongings. We walked into the kitchen and there it was. The flood he created. Not only was there water covering the entire kitchen floor, there was also water on the counter. He was quiet for so long was because he methodically filled a cup with water and spilled it onto the counter. Over and over again. Until he flooded the kitchen. (Sorry Riham). When I asked him why he did that on our way home, he said he was making "Niagara falls". (Again, very sorry!)

What Did you Just Say?

Sometimes I think it's easier if I attach a mic and record everything Z says. But for now, I'll keep blogging from memory. Here are some gems that came out of his mouth this week:

1. He asked for a cup of water. I gave it to him. He laid the cup down on it's side and all the water spilled out onto the table. He said "The water is sleeping".

2. While shopping at a busy store, he randomly and loudly said, "Boys have pimples (he means nipples). And girls have......" I tried to change the subject at this point because heads were turning waiting for the answer. 

3. Talking about jobs
Z: I'm a fire fighter!
M: What about me? What do I do?
Z: Mommy is a mechanic fixing cars at an autoshop
M: hmm. Okay. What about S, what does she do?
Z: *A brief pause* She takes away stuff.

3. While out one day, he decided it was a good idea to walk away from me while I was preoccupied with S. After a panic attack which had me hollering his name in front of a lot of bystanders, and a few minutes which felt like hours, he was returned to me by a security guard. But let Z explain:
*Almost a week after the event and completely out of the blue*
Z: "A police officer arrested me"
M: What?! When?
Z: At the CN tower
M: What did he say to you?
Z: Where's your mom and dad?
M: What did you answer?
Z: In France.

I then had to explain to him the difference between police officers and security guards and what arresting someone actually looks like. Otherwise, he'll be boasting to his friends at school that he got arrested. Since kids believe anything, he'll have no friends because all the parents will say in unison "Stay away from that boy!"

4. In the tune of children's song, he sang " Don Cherry's got a baby in his belly"

5. While drinking some milk, he looks at it and says "Can I hold my breath and go under the milk?"

6. He was running around making car noises and turning his invisible steering wheel. So when I asked him what he's doing, he said. "I'm driving all the way to France"

7. He noticed a warning label on a skateboard that he was playing with. I asked him what the warning label said and he replied, "Don't fall"

8. He asked me if I wanted to go to the construction site to buy crackers.


There you have it! Thanks for reading!

Those moments...

It's already been established that children are one of the most annoying creatures on earth. A simple search on Buzzfeed and you'll find picture proof of how destructive and emotionally manipulative these critters can be. I thank God every day I don't have OCD because if I did, all things children would have pushed me over the edge.

There are parenting moments that make you seriously question whether or not you'll make it another day. Here are some of those moments:

Getting ready to go out

 I'm not one that enjoys being late. If I have to be somewhere by 12pm, I start getting ready at 10am just to make sure I'm there on time. But children make getting anywhere on time a difficult task. Even though I have their outfits picked out and I try to get ready first, it just never works out the way it does in my head. They will spill something on their clothes I just put on them. Or they'll cause some colossal damage that takes up a lot of my time to fix/clean. Both will suddenly want to eat, even though they just ate. One has to cry over something. The other will suddenly discover a toy that's been in plain sights for weeks, but now insists it's the only time to play with said toy. Then my nagging starts. "Put on your boots" a thousand times. Only to find Z stuffed his boots with crumbs. So I clean that up. Then the boots go on, but later realize that once we're out and in the car, he forgot to put on his socks. Let's not mention all the packing involved with taking children out. I'll prepare some snacks in containers for the road or wherever we're headed. Even if it's just to the grocery store. But for some reason those snacks look so good to them in those containers they need to eat them right then and there. So I re-pack and hide in a bag. They find the bag and start unpacking all I've packed. Diapers and wipes everywhere. Wallet out. Cards out. And you all wonder why I look disheveled most of the time?

Grocery shopping/being in public

 So now that we've made it out in public. The circus starts. I'm fairly lenient and I take the path of least resistance. I try my best to make everyone's experience as enjoyable as possible. I have my mind on the people around me and I make sure my kids don't make anyone else's day miserable. Grocery shopping is always a race against time. S is a ticking time bomb. I am that crazy woman in the aisle zooming past you trying to grab as much as I can before it's too late. Sometimes I think about how I look to others and start laughing. But in the moment, the struggle is real. To appease the monsters, I go to their snacks first then I run to the rest of the essentials while they're preoccupied. But it's always when I'm in the home stretch, they start acting up. Z wants to open the kinder surprises while waiting to check out. S suddenly realizes the cart stopped moving and demands to be picked up. When I say demands, she screams "MAMA!" and everyone looks. She is persistent and gets louder, so I pick her up. She screams some more, Z takes this opportunity to run away. So I'm left with a cart full of groceries, a screaming baby and a kid whose no longer with me. And I'm sandwiched in between two carts in a narrow line. No wonder every time I am out with them I get comments like. "do you need some help?" and "you have your hands full there". Every. Single. Time.

Food preparation

Feeding children is a necessity. If you want a child, you need to be prepared to feed them for at least 8 years straight before they start making decisions about food for themselves. that's a long time. Don't get me wrong, feeding them isn't my pet peeve. It's what happens in the process that gets under my skin (pardon the pun). Yesterday Z sees the grill and asks me to make him a grilled cheese sandwich. I gladly obliged and got grilling immediately. Once it was ready and on a plate, he says he doesn't like grilled cheese sandwiches. So what am I to do? Gobble it up and pack on the pounds that's what! This scenario happens all too often. S demands hard boiled eggs. Two bites and she decides it's not for her after all.

Getting ready for bed

Bedtime is the time all parents really look forward to. We love our sweet little kids but we love bedtime more than you know. It's the only time I can blog. The only time I can sit down for more than five minutes, taking in the sound of silence. Getting to that point however isn't easy. I envy parents in movies who tuck their kids in bed, give them a kiss goodnight and turn off the lights. Then when they show the child sleeping I roll my eyes. I announce it's time to get ready for bed at 7pm. Some days all goes well, other days it's impossible. I could tuck in Z fifteen times, and I'll see him running out the 16th time giggling because it's a game to him. He'll start asking for food (that he won't eat), he'll start reminiscing about people and events from a year ago, he'll want to play and use his loud voice as I'm putting S to sleep. Then she wakes up and thinks she napped and is ready to tackle the night. These long nights often happen when I'm parenting solo. Hubs knows to take one while I take the other and put them down simultaneously so they don't wake each other. (Come back home hubs we miss you)




But when they come to me with their big eyes and smack a kiss on my cheek for no reason at all, that's the moment that makes it all worth while.

Baby S

I have another child I rarely write about. S.

Because Z was the first child, I made a conscious effort to report everything. I was a scientist and he was my guinea pig. You might as well picture me wearing a lab coat and protective goggles, following him around with a clip board and a pen in hand. Because that's how it felt. Every roll or hiccup was written down and then later researched on Google.

With S...well. I lost my lab coat. I even lost my clip board and pen. I seriously did not track any of her milestones. She just kind of happened. And finally it hit me. She grew up and I don't know when and how.

Today I had a conversation with her. Yes. a conversation.

Me: S, we need to turn off the water now
S: No
Me: Yes, you're all wet
S: No! *shakes head ferociously*
Me: Okay do you want to stay and play a while longer?
S: Ya *nods with too much enthusiasm*
Me: Ok I'm leaving then
S: Mama No. *whine*

It was after that 'conversation' (I know I use the term loosely, she basically only said no to everything) that I realized I don't have a baby anymore. I have another little human being with feelings and actions independent of mine. It was bittersweet.

Going from babyhood to the toddler years isn't a very definitive switch. There isn't one clear marker that made Baby S into toddler S. Most would define that to be once they pass twelve months. Others define it as when baby starts walking. I still saw S as a baby for way longer than she actually was. I realized it's because she has an older sibling that is clearly not a baby (He's a four year old in a six year old's body, and a three year old's defiance). So by default she becomes the baby of the family.

Even she knows it. She points to herself and says "baby".

This is what happens when you have an older brother. Baby firefighter

Z Did What?!

I'm happy to report it's been a slow week for us. When Z is under the weather, we see a lot less bouncing off the walls and more sleeping. It makes me sad to see him so calm and collected because I know he must be really sick if he's not doing something completely wacko.

Here's what went down this week:

• He poured 1 litre of mouth wash I just bought into the sink
• He dipped his toothbrush in Nutella and used it as a spoon. Then he brushed his teeth with Nutella. 

• He's been hoarding all kinds of food under the carpet. I only noticed when the carpet was lumpy and lifted it to find all sorts of yuck. Lucky for me it was housekeeper day when I discovered the mess. 
• His teacher sent home a note reading: "He had a good day. He took up a new hobby today...throwing toys out the window. At least it gives the older kids something to do during recess!" (Thank God for her sense of humour)

Otherwise, he was angelic. Thanks for stopping by!

What Did you Just Say?

Even when he's not feeling so well (yes, as I predicted I got both of them sick), Z still has a hilarious outlook on life. Here are this week's "What did you Just say?'

• Hubs has been working a lot lately. Z hasn't seen him in two days. He turned to me and said, "Remember daddy?" 

• While eating a peach, he saw the seed and said, "I don't want it. I don't like the crust" 

• He likes to pretend one of his ride-on toys is a skateboard and that the carpet is an ice rink. He was pretending to skateboard on the carpet and said, "I'm skate boarding on ice...I'm ice boarding!"

• 4 year olds think they know everything. Here's a conversation that doesn't make any sense, but he said it in such a matter-of-fact manner that I almost believed him:

          Z: I want to buy a bobble head
          Me: I don't know where I can find one
          Z: At the dollar store in the gorilla isle.

• He found a white feather from a pillow and excitedly announced "I found Hazel McCallion's hair!"

• When I poured some Buckley's into a teaspoon for my sore throat, Z said "Mommy's eating barbecue sauce"

• He looked at S for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Then said, "S eyebrows are bald...?"

There you have it. Thanks for reading! 

When Mom Gets Sick

As if the cold weather and slippery road conditions aren't enough to make winter awful, add on a few cold viruses and a flu or two that passed through this home. I'm done with it all.

I'm currently on my fourth cold. I felt it creeping in yesterday and this morning I woke up with this virus in full force. Here's the kicker, I just recovered from a really nasty one 10 days ago.  When Mom is sick, kids will automatically get sick too. Z has the runs (from the nose...not the other one) and S has a cough. Unless I wear an Ebola protective suit and stop preparing all of their meals, they are bound to get sick.

stylish, no? 

I don't need to tell you that when kids are sick, it sucks (for lack of a better word). S will not sleep unless she's upright on my shoulder all night. Guys, imagine trying to sleep sitting up on a couch with 23 lbs on your shoulder. When Z is sick, he wakes up so frequently at night that there's really no point of me even trying to fall asleep. The feeling of being woken up right when you're about to enter REM is worse than the feeling of sleep deprivation.

This winter has been especially hard for us. Z brought in all strains of the cold and flu viruses circulating at school. Along with hubs who brings in hospital germs, we've been introduced to pretty much all the viruses this winter. We hosted them all since November and they won't leave without a bang.

So when one or all of us are sick, all rules go out the window. No one is expected to finish their meals, I don't cook, the T.V is on all day, Z gets more juice than he's allowed, there's no set bed time, they're allowed naps at any hour, toys are everywhere because I'm too tired to pick up from the all-nighter sitting up on the couch. It's anarchy here.

I've never looked forward to spring so much in my life.

Z did What?!

In case you missed the first one, this segment documents the things that Z does that are out-right defiant and make parenting him harder. He's just one of those kids you need under your radar 24/7 or something will happen. I'm amazed by his creativity though. He always thinks of new ways to rebel.

Here's what he did this week:

1. Right before heading out to school, I found him in the washroom applying my eye shadow on his upper lip. I asked him what he's doing, he said he wanted to go to school as Don Cherry. I left the mustache on and dropped him off.
2. He took one of the wheels off his toys and buried it deep in a block of butter. Then he poured salt over it.
3. He took a soap bar and smeared it all over the counter. Then took my toothbrush and started brushing the soapy counter. He took some perfume and sprayed the area. He went for the baby powder and shook some onto his concoction. He made a cakey soap batter. It was the only mess he ever made that smelled good.
4. He coaxed S into the shower. Then he turned the shower on and closed the shower door. He said it's raining on S and he needs an umbrella for her. I let them play in the shower with their clothes on for the rainy day experience. I'm not going to lie, I joined them fully clothed too (it was fun, try it).
5. He would lure Serene into the closet than he'd exit quickly and lock her in the dark. After a couple of times, she stopped falling for the bait.
6. I made brownies and left them out to cool. He poured salt all over the brownies. 
7. He walked by my laptop and knocked it down. For. No. Reason. 
8. He put one of his toys in a pot of boiling pasta water. 

You're probably wondering why am I airing out his deviance for the world to see. Because a) I'm not alone and I know some poor mom going through the same thing is thinking something is wrong with her kid. Nothing's wrong and you're not alone, mama. and b) One day, we'll all laugh together at this. One day.

I thought I'd never...

Before I became a mom, I had such a rosey image in my mind of how my life will be with my kids. I would be a well-dressed, confident, mother holding the hands of my well-behaved children who are keeping up with my stride with smiles on their faces. Oh I had no idea. To say I was naive is an understatement. When I overheard mothers complain about their kids, I would think how could she ever say that about them? I would never. Or when there were rowdy children in a store and a tired mother not keeping them quiet, I would think get a hold of your kids, lady. I would never let my kids do that.

So here I am five years and two kids later. You do what you have to do to survive. We all have philosophies about parenting and strong opinions, but you can't predict who your children will be. So instead of weeping about my shortcomings as a parent, I want you to laugh with me.

I thought I would never....

1. Open food packages in the grocery store to keep them occupied until I pay...but I do it. S will not sit quietly in a cart unless she's chomping down on cheese. And I have no other choice because I need groceries and my fellow shoppers also deserve a peaceful shopping experience. No one likes the sound of a tantrum. 
2. Walk around with baby vomit on my shoulder in public...but I did. Many times actually. Without even realizing it. 
3. Fish poop out of a bath tub...yep. For a while S thought bath time was a convenient time to poop. I had to fish it out, drain the water, scrub the tub, and refill. I'm so glad she stopped. 
4. Go a whole day without eating real food that's made for me. My diet consists of left over nutella sandwiches and half eaten food S and Z don't finish. 
5. Call my kids annoying...but here I am almost every day mumbling the A-word. When Z asks me for the umpteenth time if he can have gum after I already gave him two that he swallowed when I told him not to, that's pretty damn annoying.
6. Say "Stop licking the bottom of your boots"...but I do. I just said it this morning to S. I've also said it to Z before. If both my kids are licking their boots, I think I'm the problem since I'm the common denominator between them. Just to clear this up, I don't lick my boots. 
7. Try to catch vomit in my hands to save the carpet. Because cleaning my hands is easier than cleaning the carpet
8. Buy McDonalds. Or any fast food for that matter. But mainly Mcdonalds. Even though I substitute the fries for apple slices and get milk instead of juice, I still feel like I'm buying a box of toxins.  Here's why I do it though: The car is the only place that no one judges you for strapping your kids up so they can't move. It's the only place I actually feel in control of them because they're physically restrained and happy about it. Now the thought of unbuckling both and going into a store to buy food gives me the jitters. I have a runner and a screamer, so I avoid public places at all costs. So what do I do when we're out and I didn't have time to cook dinner? Drive thru ofcourse. Which drive thru's are readily available on every block on the face of this earth? McDonalds. It's there, it's easy and it was Z's first word (I'm kidding, but it was one of the first franchise stores he recognized besides Canadian Tire and Longos). 

Toddler Z suspects Nutella is off limits but indulges anyway

So go ahead crunchy-all natural-law abiding-put together mamas and aspiring parents with big dreams. Shake your heads in disapproval. But this is my way of surviving and I'm okay with that.

Share your stories with me in the comments. What are things that you never thought you'd do before you became a parent? 

Power outage survival guide

Let's get this part out of the way first: We're spoiled. Spoiled rotten. We've been afforded a never-ending supply of luxuries like water, power and wifi that we can use to our hearts' content.  We have so much water to waste that sometimes S and Z leave the tap on and walk away. So when the power went out and we didn't have water for two days, life as we know it ended. Especially for S and Z. No power meant no internet. And no Internet meant no escape.  We were forced to live in "the moment". We didn't even know what that meant. S kept pointing to the laptop saying "pappop paptop" with a distressed look in her face. How is the laptop not on she thought? She didn't even notice it was dark. She just noticed that laptop was off. It scared her little heart. 

Z walked into every room and tried to turn on all the lights. On and off he flicked each light switch repeatedly and anxiously. "The lights are off. The power is out", he paced around wondering what to make of this. He kept searching for solutions and insisted I was the one who turned it off and need to fix it. When I lit the candles, he started singing happy birthday. This is how spoiled we are. He thinks the only purpose candles serve are for lighting up birthday cakes as a signal to start singing. He asked where the cake was. 

So what's a mom to do in the dark with two young kids? Put them to sleep ofcourse. Even though it was only 6:30pm. I told Z that the power will come back tomorrow morning and that it's just taking a break. He normally sleeps with a night light, so I made a make shift one with a tiny candle in a deep glass vase, and told him to watch the flame dance until he slept. Ofcourse Z being who he is, he woke up at  one in the morning to ask if the power is back. He also wanted chocolate milk and wondered if Don Cherry was sleeping. "Yes," I said, "he is just like you should be."

When we woke up to a power-less home, I was the one to start panicking. How on earth am I going to get Z ready for school without my coffee? The milk and everything in the fridge was no longer safe to eat, so there wasn't any breakfast either. That's not the worst part. We didn't even have running water to brush our teeth, wash our faces, or rinse an apple. 

So how did we go two days? In case anyone is in this predicament, make sure you follow these rules:

1. Flee from your home to a safe haven with INTERNET, power, and water. 

2. If 1 is not possible, Baby wipes. Lots of baby wipes. 

3. Hand sanitizer. 

4. Take out ALL the books on your kid's bookshelf and start reading and have them read to you. S can't read because she's one. But her favourite part was pulling all the books off the book shelf. It gave us something to do. 

5. Hide all electronic devices that lost power from the kids. It'll save you the headache of them whining about them not working. 

6. Have non-perishable foods in your cabinet and present them to your kids as if its completely normal to have granola bars and crackers for lunch.

7.  Leave home until it's bed time. It's honestly hard enough to stay home with the kids when there is power. Imagine a life where you have to entertain them using your brain. 

Because I had nothing better to do, I wanted to clean. But I couldn't even do that. I couldn't do dishes, run the washer or dryer, wipe down counters, or vacuum. It was the first time in my life I actually felt sad about not being able to clean. 

So I prepared tax papers and organized all our files instead. In a way, I'm glad my phone battery died. I'm ready for you, taxes! 

Were you ever stuck at home during a power outage? How did you pass the time? Share in the comments! 

What Did you Just Say?

Having a conversation with Z is a hit or miss. Sometimes he'll engage, other times our questions go through one ear and out the other. But when he talks, his comments are just plain funny.

1. While preparing for bedtime

Z: I wanna go to work

Me: Where do you want to work?

Z: At the hospital like daddy

Me: What does he do there?

Z: He fixes sick people who throw up. *pause* Throw up because they drank too much juice. *pause* and salt and pepper. 

2. While playing on his own, I overheard him having this conversation with himself:

"Is Hazel Mccallion a construction worker? *pause* Nooooo, she's a nice lady!" 

3. One Direction was on Sesame street singing a kid-friendly version of "That's what makes you beautiful". He pointed to each band member and said, "I'm afraid of this one, and this one, and this one, and this one, and this one. I'm afraid of all these boys." Then he asked for a hug and if I could rewind the song so he could watch it again. I'm proud of him for wanting to face his fears. 

4. Getting ready for bed

Z: Can you sleep with me on the top bunk?

Me: No I can't Z, this is your special bed, it's yours only.

Z: Mommy's too big. The bunk bed will break. 

So there you have it. This week's edition of What Did you Just Say.  Thanks for reading! 

Nutella Problem

My kids and I have a special relationship with Nutella. It's part of us. I know bribing isn't what anyone calls good parenting but with nutella, life is easier. It's a staple in our household. I can't focus and I get insomnia when I find that the Nutella jar is almost done. I actually don't eat it every day, but Z does. Z's food pyramid  includes juice, nutella, and oxygen. Because I introduced him to Nutella, every day I experience major mommy guilt when I spread that yummy goodness on toast for him to gobble down. So I decided it's time for a change.

Baby Z's Classic Nutella face

Lately Z has been experimenting with food. His latest experiment is to see what other types of food go well with nutella other than good ol' fashioned bread. He sure did smear nutella on his pizza yesterday. He wasn't satisfied with the taste, so he wiped it off with a paper towel and ran to his dad saying "Daddy daddy look at my poo!" He's right about the resemblance. Honestly I don't know how something so delicious looks so much like feces. It's unsettling.

Caught red handed 

There were times where I found him on the floor with the nutella jar and a butter knife just going at it. One time he asked me if he can have a spoon instead so he can get more out. This is why I hide the jar now.

Z's nutella craze was getting out of hand. He would demand Nutella sandwiches for all meals. So before we tried Nutella rehab(see link below for reference), I thought of weaning him off slowly by mixing in other foods with Nutella. We've tried strawberries, blueberries, bananas, crackers, pancakes, apples, oranges--all with nutella. He ends up licking off the nutella and putting aside the other food it was originally on.

So I had to get creative. Z, if you're older and reading this, I'm sorry for deceiving you. Or maybe I'm not. Because I couldn't have let you live off of nutella. I started grinding flax seeds and mixing it in with nutella before putting it in your sandwiches. You ate it up.

Ignorance is bliss. unknowingly digesting flax seeds 

Food Rehab: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPlB3nAGzHs

Z did What?!

Being a mother is hard. Add on deliberate defiance from Z and a sensitive, strong-willed S and you have a recipe for disaster.

I'll give you a glimpse of the type of defiance I'm talking about. It's the type that makes you want to pull your hair out. The destructive and completely illogical type. I laugh at the parents who say they're having a hard time with their children who won't listen to their instructions to pick up their toys, or to brush their teeth. Their cute defiance is a screaming "NO! I DON'T WANT TO. I WANT TO WATCH TV!". It's verbal defiance, or maybe their defiance is not following instructions. My Z has something I call active defiance. He goes out of his way to create disorder. But here's the catch. He's such an easy going kid. He's not angry, he's not loud. It's such a weird complex. 

So when you read the following, picture him smiling and laughing while doing it all:

1. Today he woke up before me and flushed his pajama shorts down the toilet. Gone. 

2. He wore boots and kicked S in the back 

3. He went to the kitchen and got the nutella jar, then dipped the remote control in it. 

4. He'll try peeing in the waste bin beside the toilet

5. Bath time means all the water in the tub is dumped on the floor 

6. I find food hidden in places I'd never think to look. I found a half eaten nutella sandwich in the closet. An apple hidden under a toy UNDER the bed 

7. Lately he has been coming home from school without a hat. I figured he forgets them at school, so I give him a new one to go to school with. When he comes home without a hat for the fifth time and I've run out of hats, I asked him to bring home the hats from school. His response: "they're gone". Where did they go Z? "in the garbage". Apparently while waiting for the bus, he takes his hat off and throws it in the garbage. Every day. 

8. I just bolted to the kitchen as I was typing this post because I saw him dumping pancake syrup into the sink. And the floor.

I have to go clean the floor now. 

Thanks for reading and pray for my sanity. 

Ridiculous Reasons why S cried this week

Toddlers. If you have one or know one, you've seen the tantrums they're capable of throwing and you think Oh no something really awful must've happened, I hope they're ok. 

S is the queen of tantrums. She wants to be independent, but she's so tiny. Being a toddler is a very confusing stage. They want to explore, but 90% of their exploration is dangerous. So when we try to stop them, they hate us for it.

Here are some reasons why S hated me this week:

1. I won't let her hold my hot coffee mug when it's full

2. The smoothie isn't coming up the straw fast enough

3. I wouldn't let her stab me with a fork

4. I wouldn't let her eat toilet paper

5. I wouldn't let her drink hand sanitizer

6. I asked her if Z could watch a video with her

7. I told her she has to wear pants before we go out.

8. Z sat beside her on the couch

9. Someone sat in the passenger seat in my car

What did you just say? Awkward edition

Lately Z has been commenting on people's appearances and belongings IN FRONT of them. It's horribly awkward. Especially because he looks older than his age. So he should know better. But he doesn't.

Here are some of the things he's said:

1. Today I took him swimming. There was a young woman there swimming. He seemed to enjoy her company and she was friendly with him the entire time. As we were leaving and we passed her, he goes "I don't like that lady". I almost died out of embarrassment.

2. Elevator rides are already awkward. Where do you look? What do you do with your hands? On top of that, I have a kid who decides to say this beauty after an elderly man entered, "He smells bad".

3. Again with the elevators. A man enters holding a small-ish leather bag. Z inspects the bag, points and then says, "That's a girl's bag".

4. While waiting for the elevator along with another person, (I think moving away from condos will eliminate the awkward elevator encounters) Z lets one rip. He proudly boasts "I tooted! I farted mommy!" People will think I reward this behaviour judging by how excited he was. He said it like he got an A on an assignment.

5. Z has a friend with long hair. His friend recently cut his hair. When I brought up his name to Z, he said "(Bob) was a girl and now he's a boy". So apparently, gender to him is based on the length of one's hair.


That's all for this week's edition of "What did you just say". Thanks for reading! 

Picture Timeline

One of the many things parents worry about is whether or not their kids will get along. I panicked about that for a while before S came along. Yes, there are times (every day) they fight, but at the end of the day, they love each other. Every time Z leaves for school, S cries. When I tell her it's time to pick him up, she cannot hide her excitement. The first thing Z does when he wakes up is check on S. He runs to her when he hears her wake up. Sometimes he runs to her to give her a big hug and says "I love her". I pray that they will continue to be close for many years to come.

Here's a timeline of S and Z's time together:

The first time they fell asleep together. 

One month: Cautiously curious. Slowly warming up 

Two months: First time sharing a toy

3 months: Holding. 

3 months: Admiring

4 months: I'm not sure if this is nuzzling or what, but it happened a lot. 

5 months 

6 Months 

8 months 

8 Things about S and Z

I'm always complaining. My friends and family can attest to that. When bad things happen, it's so easy to get pick up the phone and vent. But who needs to vent when good things happen? That's called boasting. Today I will boast.

10 8 Things I love about S and Z 

1. Z has a unique way of looking at life. Which make the things that come out of his mouth all the more hilarious. He sees a lot of what we miss. He's my second pair of eyes. 

2. S pushes the pimples on my face and says "beep beep". She really thinks they're buttons. 

3. Z surprises me every day. His incredible memory puts mine to shame. He can remember what you wore last year on July 14th, 2014 and what you said and did. He can remember which cars I parked beside last week at the grocery store. He can also tell you if they had winter tires or not. 

4. Whenever S is eating and there's a person within two feet of her, she has to feed them. Sharing her food is imperative and she will not let you go without a piece of it in your mouth and you're actively chewing. 

5.  Like many other four year olds, Z has quite the imagination. It's always fun to see what he will imagine, especially if he makes me a part of his plan. Yesterday he insisted I was a Don Cherry bobble head and he was an inflated Gorilla on the roof. 

6. Since S was a baby and was able to sit up, she has picked up tiny things off her surrounding area and has eaten more than I'd like to admit. (There may or may not have been wrappers in her diaper once). Because of this habit she's encouraged me to vacuum and sweep way more often than I normally would. *positive twist on her annoying habit*

7. Z is my energizer bunny. Because of his never-ending source of energy, he encourages me to get out more to burn some of his fuel. Otherwise I'd totally hermit for the rest of my life.

8. This is harder than I thought. Especially when my coffee reserves are running so low and I'm tired. S and Z find joy in the little things. Seeing S's face light up when she hears a dog bark and she looks at me gleefully and says 'daw?', or when Z runs to the window to see the fire engines drive by when he hears sirens. It's those little things that they find joy in that puts life into perspective again. 

When I say "guess where we're going?", both their ears perk up and they stop everything they're doing. "We're going to the throw out the garbage". S waddles over with a massive smile on her face and says "Eww" (Her word for garbage is ew, how fitting) and waits at the door. Z's already waiting with his boots on at the door and a garbage bag in his hand (I'm not making this up, this stuff happens). You'd think I said we're going to Disneyworld. I'm telling you, it's the little things.

On a more serious note, whatever life trajectory you're on, whether it's a job, a baby, or even a relationship, it's important to look at both sides of the fence in order to find your balance. All too often we're looking on one side. Worrying and stressing over the negative. This focus overshadows the positive and we forget it's even there. So for my S and Z, I will try to look at your positive side more often. Love, Mom.

About Us

Who are we? And why am I doing this?

I'm a full-time mom of two silly, wild, incredibly awesome kids. Every mom says that about her kids, but I'm serious. These kids are wild.

Z is four. If he had the freedom to do what he wants, he would live in a trampoline park and bounce his way through life. He is truly a ball of energy.

S is one. her favourite thing to do is follow me around and make sure she gets into everything I do. Her other hobbies include taking toys from Z, and eating tissue paper.

They say writing is therapeutic. So instead of going to a therapist, I'm writing a blog about the two little people who will undoubtedly have me admit myself to a pychiatric facility. 

My monsters 

If you're not with-child and are considering the possibility of conceiving, this blog may have you thinking twice about having your own. You've been warned.


Children are only young for a short period of time. This blog is intended to share the special moments with family and friends. I will share my experiences parenting two very different personalities,  their quirks and adventures. 

What Did you Just Say?

The past few days Z has been saying some seriously noteworthy stuff. Since he does this so often, I'll be making this a weekly feature. 

Here are his recent ones:

• We live in a condo overlooking the lake.  On really cold days, part of the water freezes and looks cracked and really cool. But to Z, well...let him explain it in his words: “Daddy, the lake is clogged.”

•    After peeing a few minutes before, he tries to go pee again. He comes running with his pants down saying “my pee broke, my pee broke!” I respond, what do you mean it broke? And he says “no pee coming out, it’s broken” Sigh. I had to explain that pee doesn't come out on demand and that he needs to drink water if he wants to pee again

•    Every now and then I straighten my hair. One time after showering, Z stares at me for a bit before saying this gem “Mommy, your hair got ruined” I laughed and laughed before I realized I was insulted. He thinks my curly hair isn’t nice. Hmph

• He’s recently taken a liking to Hazel Mccallion (don’t ask). After looking at some pictures of her on Google, he goes “Hazel Mccallion has dry skin”...I had to explain what wrinkles are and how it’s different than dry skin. 

• Another unusual new favourite of his is Don Cherry. He'll scrunch his face, use his finger as a mustashe, growl and say, "I'm Don Cherry, I'm angry" 

      That's all for now. Thanks for reading, hope to see you back here again!